At the moment, I am researching some tips on how to make Friendships for those of us who maybe weren't grown up with these skills.
Some Christians are after Tips or Clues, so I thought I would provide some. Does that sound good to you?
It's nice to aim for Good Healthy Friendships and make sure they are maintained that way. This makes for satisfying Friendships
that won't disappoint like many do these days.
A Good Principle To Remember
And just like a Garden, Friendships need Cultivating to make them of True Worth. There's such discomfort with Unhealthy Friendships
we regret - they can be so very stressful. The Lord observes with tears of Compassion, I'm sure, when they make us sad and upset.
Through the years I've had more than a few Friendships that weighed me down with constant problem sharing, where you're given the duties of a counsellor
without necessary skills, so to speak, and the very same friends don't wish for helpful advice most times, which makes it pretty unfair when
they want to keep repeating the same things or problem after problem because they lack certain Life Skills or they don't take things to
The Lord much - they take them to you instead.
Some Friends Or Friendships Get Lazy Or Slack
Similar to a marriage, this occurs some months or 1-3 Years later (whenever) after acquaintance.
People like to be their best at first, so we need to be observant for a time, to make sure that Friend IS right for us.
Not skeptical but WISE. Someone was led of The Lord to say these words to me years ago when I liked to practice trust with people.
IT'S ALRIGHT TO BE CAUTIOUS.
For instance, some people (Christians included) favor some friendships over others and some are inclined to be lazy or slack when it comes to communications.
One can tolerate so much of that and then the build-up gets too much. It really does. I have experienced that build-up with a few friends.
Also, you can think the fault is with you and most times it's with them. This is not good for anyone's morale - even if you are a strong person (it affects us over time because it can make pathways in our brain. Neuroscience has now discovered
OUR BRAIN HAS NEUROPLASTICITY
This means basically, that Our Brain Reshapes Itself on a continual basis, according to our thought-life (so be careful what thoughts you entertain) communications and company we keep. The same applies to TV and Internet etc.
I am a loyal natured person and I've had to bale out of 'Friendships' like the above through no fault of my own, even just recently (due to phone communications).
I'm making a few Lifestyle changes because some friendships conflicted with the way I like to be and share company.
Phone calls, response to texts and personal contact is important to me - especially since my Mother and Sister are in Heaven.
I would like to help some of you find better Friendships and others how to show appreciation for Friends.
Please Remember When Making New Friends
A good friend does not require you to compromise your values, always agree with them, or disregard your own needs.
Help If You Are Introverted Or Shy
Tips for being more friendly and social (even if you’re shy). If you are introverted or shy, it can feel uncomfortable to put yourself out there socially. But you don’t have to be naturally outgoing to make new friends. Focus on others, not yourself. This will help you.
A Help Guide I researched says "Western Society tends to place an emphasis on romantic relationships. We think that just finding that right person will make us happy and fulfilled. But research shows that friends are actually even more important to our psychological welfare. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else."
This is so true I think, that Friendships can be underestimated - how much Benefit one can derive from a Good Friendship and certain damages one can experience in and from a Bad or Poor Friendship.
Like Nutrients OR Deficiencies in Our Diet........so it can be with Friendships we have/keep. We can feel quite nourished OR deprived in relationships we get into.
The Holy Spirit just gave me this allegory for you.
This has to impact us spiritually in some way too, for Good or Not-So-Good. And in fact, I would go so far as to say this:
The Lord can See potential for Goodness and Blessing for us if we engage in some Friendships and the Enemy can see potential for some to do damages or be disruptive in some way. So in this Day and Age, I think we really need to Practice Carefulness: some Prayer and Practical Guidance would not go astray.
"If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask from The Lord and He will not reprimand you" _______ is a good Scripture for those of us who have made mistakes or have made a few in our choices in making Friends OR we have not shown due diligence to Prayer OR Appreciation in a Friendship.
The Help Guide goes on to say "Friendships have a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. Good friends relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, and prevent loneliness and isolation. Developing close friendships can also have a powerful impact on your physical health."
I also read somewhere recently, Survey Statics reveal that more serious health conditions in people's lives are brought about by Stressful Friendships than Family Stress.
Listen To These Wise Words
A very wise person I know in Jamaica says "Be careful who you give your power to. Sometimes we can give power to the wrong person. We need a (personal) spiritual connection and belief system (with The Lord)." Thank You Carlette. We should work at this consistently. The more we do this,the more He can Advise Us and Protect us.
I know that when I spend so much time working at my Websites online, I can neglect myself in certain ways and Friendships is one of them - I've been a good friend and did nice things for a few friends in recent years and have tolerated poor communications from them (they seldom phoned or texted or answered phone calls and texts. I let that continue on an ongoing basis. Unreal, I know, this brought me to a standstill where I had to attend to these issues and devote some time to this "important area of one's life" to ensure these mistakes don't happen again.
Some Advantages In Good Friendships
Improve your mood. Spending time with happy and positive friends can elevate your mood and lift your outlook.
Reduce your stress and depression. Having an active social life can help fortify your immune system and help reduce isolation, which contributes to depression.
They are beneficial to Our Morale and everyone needs that - especially these days. It's really nice when a Friend takes interest in us or shares our interests.
This is Good for us and remember this goes Two-Ways (in texts, calls and time spent together). So many people like to tell us their news whatever and are slow to respond to what we have to say - I've experienced that often in texts with friends, believe it or not. It eventually got too much and I had to speak up.
Friendships has to do with our self-worth as a person - that once again comes down to our morale. The healthier our morale, the healthier our health
and more confidence we have in life. Don't ever let anyone effect your morale - if they do this, they are not right for you. They may even need to improve their behavior before engaging in close friendships, instead of making you or others feel poorly. Hey?
Healthy Friendship or Friendships can also help to fortify us against stress, anxiety and depression. Unhealthy Friendships can cause, contribute to or increase these.
Having an active social life can benefit and improve your Immune System and help reduce isolation, a major contributing factor to depression.
Friendships can be Supportive too if we don't expect too much - it's important to remember that. It's an absolute must for some people and always makes Better and Healthier Friendships.
Remember These Principles:
The less problem sharing in Friendships, not only the Better and Healthier they will be.......also the more Lasting they are, usually.
There is also a second important ingredient: We need to work at Friendships - like we do with family or gardening etc - because the quality lessons if we don't (and the other person, this needs to be both ways). When we Cultivate Friendships, they reap rewards (the more we enjoy them). Not so with one-way friendships or neglected friendships.
A Good Way To Start
For those who feel lonely or would like to improve their communication skills - maybe after a fresh start with people - is at a Community Center where various Activities take place. Making enquiries there can help you find a New Interest or Hobby too. This resulted in me finding a new past-time which became a passionate interest for me, when I was having an extended break from Natural Health Research some years ago. This continued for a few years before I started making multiple websites including eCards. I have since resumed my interest in that area as a change from my activities on the Net. It's called "Tender Loving Care".......... we need to make sure we have some toward ourselves when we are Giving Out To Others, which I do with my Websites.
So you never know what you can find unless you give it a try, hey? You can even make enquiries at a few Community Centers or engage in a second Venture as well.
At these Community Centers, you can gradually build up some confidence in Communicating with others - especially if you have lost some confidence from Friendships that didn't work out well. It's so important to give yourself time in getting to know someone - be patient and don't rush the process. There are usually some nice people there and it's a good safe environment to make Acquaintances on a Weekly Basis in a Mutual Meeting Place.
I could not find a better Source of ensuing you than this following website Article:
Making Good Friends from the Help Guide I've mentioned HERE
This is an Excerpt and most of what they have advised us is good!
Know what to look for in a friend
A friend is someone you trust and with whom you share a deep level of understanding and communication. A good friend will:
Show a genuine interest in what’s going on in your life, what you have to say, and how you think and feel.
Accept you for who you are
Listen to you attentively without judging you, telling you how to think or feel, or trying to change the subject.
Feel comfortable sharing things about themselves with you
As friendship works both ways, a friend is also someone you feel comfortable supporting and accepting, and someone with whom you share a bond of trust and loyalty.
Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like
The most important quality in a friendship is the way the relationship makes you feel—not how it looks on paper, how alike you seem on the surface, or what others think.
Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
Am I myself around this person?
Do I feel secure, or do I feel like I have to watch what I say and do?
Is the person supportive and am I treated with respect?
Is this a person I can trust?
Friendship takes two, so it’s important to evaluate whether the other person is looking for new friends.
Do they ask you questions about you, as if they’d like to get to know you better?
Do they tell you things about themselves beyond surface small talk?
Do they give you their full attention when you see them?
Does the other person seem interested in exchanging contact information or making specific plans to get together?
If you can’t answer “yes” to these questions, the person may not be the best candidate for friendship now, even if they genuinely like you. There are many possible reasons why not, so don’t take it personally!
For better friendships, be a better friend yourself
Making a new friend is just the beginning of the journey. Friendships take time to form and even more time to deepen, so you need to nurture that new connection.
Be the friend that you would like to have. Treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.
Be a good listener. Be prepared to listen to and support friends just as you want them to listen to and support you.
Give your friend space. Don’t be too clingy or needy. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people as well.
Don’t set too many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You’re both unique individuals so your friendship probably won’t develop exactly as you expect.
Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there’s a bump in the road, try to find a way to overcome the problem and move on. It will often deepen the bond between you.
Written by Lawrence Robinson, Anne Artley, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: June 2019.
Most times, I write my own articles 100% or 90% Occasionally I research what I am writing on.
They also have articles on Stress Management, Emotional Intelligence, Attachment Bonds and Family!
Some Tips On Likability
Be A Positive Person: No-One Likes Hearing Problems And Negativity, But Most People Like A Positive Cheerful Manner.
People Are Often Engaged When We're Passionate About Something -- But Not Overbearing -- This Depends On The Person
And The Topic You're Sharing. People's Interests Vary.
Most People Like Laughter Too. It's Contagious Most Times And Makes Them Feel Good.
Try Not To Show Insecurities. It's Good If We Find Ways Of Managing Them. Most Times People Feel Pretty Confident If We're Relaxed With Them.
It's Good To Be Humble In Our Communications With Quiet People - They Usually Prefer That - Some Are Shy Or Take A While To Warm Up
Confidence When Speaking To Them - We Don't Have To Have To Have A Lot, Over-Confident People Can Overwhelm Others Anyway.
People Love A Good Listener -- If They Aren't Shy Or Reserved -- This Will Take Your Attention Off Yourself And You Should Find Things Easier Because You're Busy Processing What That Person Is Saying. This Can Be Interesting Too. We Can Miss The Beauty Of This If We're Busy Waiting For Our Turn In Conversations.
It's A Really Good Idea To Develop Listening Skills And This Comes With Practice.
Most People Like Compliments - Learn How To Give And Receive Them Well. I Love To Do This Often And See Someone Smile.
It's About Showing Interest In Those Around Us - People Can Pick A Phony.
Simple Steps To Making A New Friend
1. Take a Pen and Paper. Make a List of Things you Like to do.
Painting, Crafts of Some Kind........Cricket or Tennis, Whatever
Write them All down.
2. Go Out and Do Those Things (some of them).
That's a Good Way to Meet People - You already Have things in Common with Them.
3. Make some Small Talk with someone - Short Simple Comments of some kind.
When you get a Favorable Response__ you can ask them
"What do you do? Where are you from?" and express some interest in what they're Saying.
IE If they're Painting, you can ask something like
"What's been your best painting?"
This can sometimes start a good conversation.
4. Take note of their name and some things they said to you.
5. Be a Good Friend (in the makings) and take your time with the Process.
I WILL YOU ALL WELL IN YOUR VENTURES.
LITTLE BY LITTLE, YOU'LL GET THERE.
'Wait on The Lord, be of Good Courage."