Inspired In Christ

When Friendship Offends

PLEASE NOTE: THIS PAGE IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE WHO ARE SENSITIVE AND MAYBE TRYING TO FIND ACCEPTANCE.

PAGES THAT ARE COLOR-CODED WITH RED PRINT AT THE TOP - THEY ARE NOT MEANT FOR YOU. THESE PAGES ARE TO RELEASE PRESSURE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH FRIEND'S DEMANDS. THE PAGES WITH BLUE PRINT ARE FOR YOU, THEY ARE GENTLE AND MILDER. CONCERNING FRIENDSHIPS, I WISH TO HELP CHRISTIANS IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING UPSETTING CIRCUMSTANCES and YOUR FEELINGS ARE DELICATE, THIS PAGE IS NOT FOR YOU but can HELP MAKE YOU WISE ABOUT HOW OFTEN YOU SHARE THOSE THINGS - WE ARE ONLY HUMAN. NOT NECESSARILY STRONGER THAN YOU, EVEN IF WE CARRY OURSELVES WELL. EACH OF US SHOULD LEARN TO TAKE THINGS TO THE LORD, AND KEEP FRIENDSHIPS FOR HAPPY TIME.

THAT WILL BENEFIT EVERYONE MUCH BETTER, BELIEVE ME.

TWO POEMS ON THIS PAGE!

Why did I previously place this Page in the Healing Words Menu? Because I see a need for it.

We would All benefit by practicing wisdom we find Here.

 This page is for those who have had problems with friends sharing heavy conversation or problems over and over - some of which have little else to talk about. They offend again and again. This takes the pleasure out of any friendship and is pretty hard to bare with. Some people expect  far too much - we are not God (we are not built for that)

We are not counsellors - friends often want us to be. And these same people are not interested in advice.

They just want free counsel, whatever, and it costs you heaps.

I've had 'Burn-Out' from that kind of thing in times gone by and I am here to help you!


YOU WILL ALSO LEARN GOOD PRINCIPLES ON THIS PAGE and the WISDOM WITH FRIENDS PAGE.

Friends Are Not Your Counsellors


When Friendship Offends

Some people are like vaporless clouds – they leave you dry.

I don’t want their vaporless clouds in conversation, much less their gloomy clouds.

Yes, some people are selfish or careless in their content of conversation.

Some people can’t stand their gloom, so they offload it on you.

Some are generous they share it with you.


When I take the care to dismiss upsetting things

Whoever said I want to take on someone else’s?

Do I have a sign behind me that says “share your bad stuff, all the more the better?”

Does it say “Free counselling here” OR “Practicing to be a counsellor?”

Did you not notice the frown on my brow or the faraway look in my eyes

When I wanted to escape but was too polite?


Yes you have done for me a disservice again and again

That is not my understanding of a True Friend.

So you must hear this message, my ears I’ll not lend

Only to be brought down again and again

by this friend and that friend when they wish to offend.


I’d rather be a happy hermit that would be wise

And keep my thoughts healthy, that is no lie.

What would it take for my friendship again?

Speak of some happy things and hardships fling.

The more the better and make my heart sing.


If not I must now go my way to better days

When it comes to my hearing, only kindness pays.

Don’t think this is mean; I’ve had more than my share

From this one and that one who don’t practice care.

I’m placing my order for better in life

I’m not a conduit for discontents and strife.


How long did you think such a friendship would last?

If you’re now wiser OK if not I will pass.

I am not guilty, I have to refrain

Some friendships you see have caused me pain.

Janet Vargas ©


A Word Of Advice:

Some people just don’t know when you’ve had enough.

Sometimes they do but they offend anyway.


Also, you should know, some people have friends they share good times with

and one friend they keep in reserve for all the serious stuff.

You should not be such a person - do not play that part for anyone.

The Lord does not expect that of you!


I've had friends who confide in me about family and friends imposing on them

and then turn around and do the same with me.

Now I have to refrain from this kind of thing altogether.

Life is too short, it really is. I wish you all well -

those with upsetting circumstances AND those who are not Counsellors.


Keeping Sane When Friendships Offend


When Your Wishes Are Not Respected

When friends don’t show respect for your hearing

Don’t be forever, your feelings concealing.

Don’t allow this to go on and on

Even those who understand such things

can take away your joy and song.


Let them know this truly offends

Give them guidelines if they wish to be friends.

Say you’ve been overdosed, your ears you’ll not lend.

Tell them you wish to be happier, don’t let them forget.


If they do, say “I will only repeat this once.

As for serious conversations, my course has run.

You’ll have to think of other things if you wish to converse.

Wisdom doesn’t come easy, this I’ve learnt.

I could have told you before but you appealed for more.

Now I must think of myself, I’m not putting my life on a shelf

For anyone’s needs, I just wish to be free.”

Janet Vargas ©


My Best Tip:

When someone goes to off-load on you, Say “don’t interrupt me, I’m in recovery mode,

from the last one who shared their problems and the others before that.

I’m trying to be kind to myself.” You can add please, but make it firm.

Make sure your message is understood.


TAKE CARE!


What My Readers Are Saying

The words here resonate with me. This is something that a lot of individuals face and we are all to polite to tell a friend to give me a break to regroup and come again. It is taxing to be one everyone comes to - Currently, I'm that person.

Sue-Ann from Jamaica

Janet, thanks so much for this article. Not an easy one to write. Love the poems - they lightened me up. So much of what you say here is true and you obviously know the experience. How wonderful that you can help others with the wisdom you've gained.

Sonia Peters from USA

How true, how profoundly true. Often those who know better are the very ones who offend. Lord help us all. We don't always have it together and some take it for granted we do. It isn't good for me either:)

Debbie from Australia

This is so true, some people make you so dry. It reminds us not to allow anyone to dampen our spirit with negativity. I like the last poem, that's my favorite. Put your foot down - enough of this! Put yourself first, don't be the one everyone vents to all the time. This is good motivation for your health and happiness.

Stacy-Ann  from Jamaica

I think this page is so positive - what you are saying about experiences many of us can relate with

in such a way that it is not negative but moves us forward to embrace new experiences.

Camille from Jamaica